The Obama Testament
By Howard Jacobs
In the beginning there was only Hillary.
And the Democrats were without form.
And there was corruption, and lying, and deceit, and intimidation.
And then the spirit of Obama came and moved upon the waters.
And Obama said Let there be hope and change.
And Obama saw the hope and change, and said that it was good.
And Obama said Let there be a stimulus plan.
But unto Obama and his plan, the people had not respect.
And Obama saw the wickedness among the people of the United States.
And Obama said unto the people of the United States ‘Let my stimulus plan pass’.
And Obama gave money to banks, insurance companies and car companies and said that it was good.
But the hearts of the people were hardened.
And the people wanted to know why the unemployment rate was over 10%.
So Obama needed to speak to the Lord.
And he went to the special place where he could seek the counsel of the Lord.
And from the other side of the mirror, God spake unto Obama, saying, Go speak to your wife Michelle and tell her to speak to the children of the United States.
And Michelle went forth and spake unto the people of the United States, saying unto them,
Whatsoever containeth polyunsaturated fats, ye shall not eat.
All fast food, whether it cometh from dwellings with golden arches or from Kings, shall be an abomination unto you.
And every earthen vessel that containeth carbonated water with sugar shall be unclean to you. And you shall break it and not drink from it.
And Obama listened to his wife with pride and said that it was good.
But the hearts of the people were still hardened.
And the anger of Obama was kindled against the United States,
And Obama went into the land of Egypt and said that the United States was arrogant.
And Obama shamed members of the Supreme Court and said that their decisions were wrong.
And Obama said Cambridge cops acted stupidly.
And Obama said that doctors cut off healthy limbs for profit.
And Obama said bankers were greedy.
And Obama said Oil companies were greedy.
And Obama said Insurance companies were greedy.
And Obama criticized the state of Arizona.
And Obama criticized Fox news.
And Obama criticized Republicans.
And Obama criticized BP.
And Obama criticized Israel for building houses.
And Obama criticized people for going to Las Vegas.
And Obama criticized George Bush.
And Obama criticized John McCain.
And then Obama went to the United Nations and said how much he respected the Islamic Republic of Iran and that he wanted a new beginning based on mutual trust and mutual respect.
And the children of the United States saw what was happening and they were angered.
So angered were the children of the United States that they formed a new group and called it the Tea Party.
And Obama spake to the people of the Tea Party saying,
Do ye not know that I have rescued you from the republicans?
But the people were angered and they spake saying, We had a
$500 billion deficit under Bush and now we have a $2 trillion deficit.
And Obama stopped them, saying You dare question Me? I am Obama. I will provide for your needs and all I ask is that you are faithful to me and pay 70% of your income to me in taxes.
Wherefore the people did chide with Obama, and said Give us back our money, that we may invest it and create jobs and have freedom.
And then it came to pass that Obama started nominating people to the Supreme Court. And Obama said to his two Supreme Court nominees, Thou shalt have compassion and empathy, and set precedents when I tell you to and change laws when I deem them to be unjust.
And the people said there is this thing called the constitution…
But Obama interrupted them and said Enough!
And then Obama spake again to the people, saying, Ye are upset with me. But my power will be revealed when I give you the most precious gift of all the earthly gifts. I grant to all the children of the United States free healthcare.
And the people of the United States stood up and said, What?!
And Obama spake to the people again and said, Take heed to yourselves that ye not go up into the halls of congress to watch the healthcare bill debated.
And it came to pass in the second year of his reign, in the fifteenth month, in the twenty second day of that month, that the healthcare bill passed.
And Obama walked out of the Whitehouse with the two thousand seven hundred page health care bill held under his arms.
And Obama had grown a long white beard while debating the heath care plan and the people did not recognize him at first.
And Obama went forth among the people and raised the healthcare bill above his head and spake, saying, I am Obama, who hast brought you forth from the presidency of George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, who hast brought you out of the bondage of the right wingers and conservatives.
And the people murmured against Obama, and said, Wherefore is this that thou hast brought us up out of a republican controlled government to then burden us with high taxes, healthcare that takes away our freedoms, regulations that punish small business. You take away our pride in ourselves and our country. You leave us vulnerable to those who wouldst do us harm. You burden us with debt that we can’t pay back. The things that thou doest are not good.
And Obama was provoked to anger. And he raised the healthcare plan above his head and proclaimed to the children of the United States in a thundering voice,
Those who will not live by the healthcare shall die by the healthcare!
And Obama threw all two thousand and seven hundred pages of the healthcare plan at the people.
And the healthcare plan struck the ground and paper exploded everywhere. And paper dust filled the air and it was difficult to breath. And people couldn’t walk, or even see, for all the paper that was all over the land. And paper was on the roads and paper filled the fields. And all the animals and all the people were covered with paper.
And the people gathered the paper together upon heaps:
and the land stank.
But despite the paper plague upon the land, the hearts of the people were still hardened, for they knew that they were dealing with a false prophet. And the people spake saying,
Well, at least that’s the end of the health care plan.
But Obama had made copies.
In the end, there was corruption, and lying, and deceit, and intimidation. And there was debt as far as the eye could see. And the children of the United States were so burdened with taxes that there was no money left to invest, and there was no more innovation and no more entrepreneurs.
And the constitution was changed and people weren’t free to speak their minds anymore. And people couldn’t sell their homes without approval from the government. And people couldn’t sell their cars without approval from the government. And the United States was only one state in a world government. And the United Nations ran the world.
And the people had no redress for their grievances.
All this happened and it was not good. It was not good at all.
Want to change the ending? Then End the Change!
Howard Jacobs is an executive of MBA Marketing Pace University.
